Buckshot, scattered brain
Dwelling in a man insane
Forlorn and breaking spell
Lest risk beckon the damned in Hell
Obtuse, ruffled frame
Bemoaning knowledge locked away
Catalysts and catacombs fell
Lest the carrion free from hell
Lost in a pensive
Stone vault crypt
Martyr may I?
Boot-print, trailing blood
Strewn along, like a flood
Collapse the seed; seal it well
Lest the beasts escapeth hell
Fade surreal the mirror’s scream
Rapt the pillar, ajar the dream
Crack minutia; lock it well
Lest demons invoke the spell
Unleashing creatures birthed by hell
Dude...This is awesome. You brought Pandora's Box into focus here. Wonderful verbiage. Transitioned well throughout. Very much enjoyed reading this. I found that each verse left my mouth just slightly more ajar. Great job. I have just released "Little Tree Gnome," for when you get a chance. Strange, but I took a similar path...
ReplyDeleteAgain, Great job.
The rhyme used in this piece just sends the readers flying through at a greater pace. Loved how that worked. All have our demons, but the man insane, lets them out.
ReplyDeleteha nice word play...martyr, may i?...nice intensity....the buckshot, mirror scream...creatures from hell...
ReplyDeleteGlad you all enjoyed this poem. It was one of those times when you listen to a song and get its rhythm into your head only to make your own words to go along with it. I wish I could tell you what song it was, I'm thinking a PWEI, but can't say that for sure, when I get into poetry mode I lose all track of things sometimes. Again, thanks for dropping some feedback, always appreciated, thanks
ReplyDeleteInTENSE writing--and reading. The rhyming is awesome, and the story is gripping. Great poem.
ReplyDeletepowerful and haunting...
ReplyDeleteTerrific flow to this. As you said, it seems to be quite musical in some ways and so the idea that you had a song in your head as you wrote this is not surprising. The images are stark enough to fit your subject, and poetically well-worded to fit your form. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteMarbles, Jingle and Photo Glad you all enjoyed this piece, thanks so much for the feedback I appreciate it and this piece was a bunch of fun putting together. Glad I heard that song
ReplyDeleteVery unnerving, especially the last stanza. "Martyr may I?" - like that.
ReplyDelete