the
morning was drizzly,
shedding
sooty tears
that
an angel could not conceal
this
monster I had clothed,
felt
obliged and half-provoked,
to
claim the misfortun’ of intention
he
then fell
into
bondage, a slavery to the tragic mysteries
of
incongruity and argumentative attention
In
a most uncomfortable way,
I
concealed the fact in such strange directions
“This
was all my fault!”
But
mourning stopped suspicion.
“I
frowned it down, not with pleasure though.
I am not a worthy man; but one bound with
considerable disturbances.”
A well done erasure!
ReplyDeleteI particularly loved the line :
"I am not a worthy man; but one bound with considerable disturbances."
Authors are poets too, it seems.
The rest of 'your' poem carries the same self-doubt and humility -- I think.
i almost took Charles Dickens as well..another book though...really like this fred..and if i had read without knowing it was erasure poetry, i would've thought it's your voice..good job
ReplyDeletenice....def a good one to play with.....love the imagery of the sooty tears....i def think yours could stand alone....nice flow sir....
ReplyDeleteOh, he sounds like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. Sooty tears...and the last two lines... very powerful!
ReplyDeleteGreat erasure Fred :)
This is great Fred, I especially like:
ReplyDeletethe morning was drizzly,
shedding sooty tears
that an angel could not conceal
Well done, Fred. Conveys sadness and discomfort well, I think. I have never read "Great Expectations," oddly enough.
ReplyDeleteFred...just absolutely fantastic! Familiar with the starting point...in awe with the results. I bow to you on this one Poet...you killed this
ReplyDeleteThis forms a curious portrait. Kinda suits my mood. The ill ease of expecting trouble, never feeling quite fitting in where one is. Interesting.
ReplyDeleteI can't remember reading Great Expectation -- likely if I did, I didn't finish it.
Great pick and nice use of the words, making it your own once more at your shore. The difference indeed, can be a tough or sometimes easy read.
ReplyDeleteVery cool poem, Fred, and worked so well. Well done. k.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE your closing quotation:
ReplyDelete“I frowned it down, not with pleasure though.
I am not a worthy man; but one bound with considerable disturbances.”
Great Expectations is fantastic; what a great choice.
I really like your title, and this: "this monster I had clothed, felt obliged and half-provoked." You have always struck me as a strong and creative writer, Fred. I enjoy your work immensely.
You are working from my favorite Dickens novel so I immediately responded to this. It works so well with your poetic voice and style. It is no surprise that you took to this concept like a fish to water, excellent work!
ReplyDeleteGreat re-creation, Fred. As I began, I thought perhaps the source text was Mary Shelley...enjoyed the surprise of discovering Dickens!
ReplyDeletecool - know why I like it so much / I've been in love with Dickens forever
ReplyDeleteWill have to try the exercise / still takes alot to carve out meaning from meaning
enjoyed this read.. and love Charles Dickens too. this was a fun exercise..
ReplyDeleteFabulous, Fred! You've taken Dickens' words and created your own mini epic poem. While the tone remains somewhat Dickensian, your work choice and cadence modernize the feel.
ReplyDeleteNicely done Fred! Yes it's pretty neat. 'Great Expectations' is a good choice.
ReplyDeleteHank
Nicely done.... inner thoughts well displayed...I especially liked the fourth para... it gives much to think...
ReplyDeleteGreat response to the prompt. I've been so impressed by the erasure poetry everyone's come up with
ReplyDelete