Friday, November 9, 2012

Cold Grey Winter

Love meets my lips
As lost quips stir
and trip I dare

over eyes met there
In short stares, does
She care, or haze?

Hope rests agaze
In heat’s blaze, and
give praise I must,

Hold firm the trust,
lest it rusts away
like dust full fraught

Yet I am caught
in what ought be
pure thought’s rapt braid

Instead it fades
as fears shade, this
cold grey winter

Raivenne is hosting Form For All over at D'verse tonight and has presented us with the Than Bauk, a very cool Asian form of poetry.  The article is quite good and very informative, which I highly recommend you check out.  After you're done reading, I'm certain you'll want to try your hand at the form.  So go ahead, write your Than Bauk, post it to your site and then share it with the wonderfully talented poets of D'verse.  See you there.


  1. don't let the fears take the box of crayons and start scribbling man....smiles....really cool take fred...and it seemed with it being longer you were able to do even more with it...maybe that is the was fun, but dang difficult...

  2. An excellent response to the prompt.

  3. Excellent, Fred. Your structure of this difficult form is impeccable (could be used as a teaching tool for the Than Bauk, I think), and you managed to tell a story with your verses. Kudos!

  4. Bah, what makes the loss so much worse is the cold, cold out and cold shoulder given, that is just a tad redundent I will say, as it happens to many that way.

  5. Yet I am caught in what ought to be pure thought's rapt fav stanza here, nifty!

  6. i was so curious how you would do with this restricted form cause you usually use so many words...and wow...really love how much you packed into these few short verse fred

  7. Great work--smooth flow, and that last stanza knocks it out of the park. Very enjoyable!

  8. "Yet I am caught
    in what ought be
    pure thought’s rapt braid"

    how great is this... so powerful. loved what you did with the form, amazing work! flows down the page...

  9. I love how you captured the vulnerability and questioning of love. It ends on such a mournful note; the 'cold grey winter' of the title buries the warmth of possibility beneath a blanket of snow. You really conquered this form. I found it challenging, though I made it harder than required through my subject matter. Your excellent rhyming skills and song writing serve you very well in this form. Beautifully done.

  10. This captures that "fancy" or "crush" felt by one but not the other when something almost meshes between two people, and then fails to connect. It happens to everyone but this captures it poetically. Nice use of the chain Than Bauk!

  11. Ah the lost chance, that moment passed and knowing it. I like your use of the Than Bauk. It fits the mood wonderfully.

  12. Your Than Bauk reminds me of the style of romantic masters of old. I enjoyed this very much..thanks.

  13. Really nice -- I enjoyed that.
    Tip Toeing and worrying about a possible love. (if I understood correctly)

  14. this flows quite beautifully.

    after the question "care, or haze" I feel like the latter is probably the answer, but hope I'm wrong.

  15. Successful use of a difficult form--congratulations.