Friday, November 30, 2012

The Contrast of Was and IS


the morning was drizzly,
shedding sooty tears
that an angel could not conceal

this monster I had clothed,
felt obliged and half-provoked,
to claim the misfortun’ of intention

he then fell

into bondage, a slavery to the tragic mysteries
of incongruity and argumentative attention

In a most uncomfortable way,
I concealed the fact in such strange directions
                                                                        “This was all my fault!”
But mourning stopped suspicion.

“I frowned it down, not with pleasure though.
 I am not a worthy man; but one bound with considerable disturbances.”

 Over at D'Verse, Anna is hosting Meeting The Bar and she's presented a pretty neat exercise in poetry.  Definitely read her article and the links she's provided, they are all very good and extremely informative.  Erasure Poetry, briefly, is like Found Poetry, in that you take another piece of text and you erase words, keeping the ones you want to use and then, from those words leftover, you create a poem of your own.  For this piece I used the Charles Dickens classic Great Expectations.  All the words in this piece can be found in Chapter 27.  

So head on over, having this many Erasure poems in one spot is a treat, and should not be missed.


19 comments:

  1. A well done erasure!
    I particularly loved the line :
    "I am not a worthy man; but one bound with considerable disturbances."
    Authors are poets too, it seems.
    The rest of 'your' poem carries the same self-doubt and humility -- I think.

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  2. i almost took Charles Dickens as well..another book though...really like this fred..and if i had read without knowing it was erasure poetry, i would've thought it's your voice..good job

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  3. nice....def a good one to play with.....love the imagery of the sooty tears....i def think yours could stand alone....nice flow sir....

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  4. Oh, he sounds like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. Sooty tears...and the last two lines... very powerful!
    Great erasure Fred :)

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  5. This is great Fred, I especially like:

    the morning was drizzly,
    shedding sooty tears
    that an angel could not conceal

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  6. Well done, Fred. Conveys sadness and discomfort well, I think. I have never read "Great Expectations," oddly enough.

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  7. Fred...just absolutely fantastic! Familiar with the starting point...in awe with the results. I bow to you on this one Poet...you killed this

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  8. This forms a curious portrait. Kinda suits my mood. The ill ease of expecting trouble, never feeling quite fitting in where one is. Interesting.

    I can't remember reading Great Expectation -- likely if I did, I didn't finish it.

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  9. Great pick and nice use of the words, making it your own once more at your shore. The difference indeed, can be a tough or sometimes easy read.

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  10. Very cool poem, Fred, and worked so well. Well done. k.

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  11. I LOVE your closing quotation:
    “I frowned it down, not with pleasure though.
    I am not a worthy man; but one bound with considerable disturbances.”

    Great Expectations is fantastic; what a great choice.

    I really like your title, and this: "this monster I had clothed, felt obliged and half-provoked." You have always struck me as a strong and creative writer, Fred. I enjoy your work immensely.

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  12. You are working from my favorite Dickens novel so I immediately responded to this. It works so well with your poetic voice and style. It is no surprise that you took to this concept like a fish to water, excellent work!

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  13. Great re-creation, Fred. As I began, I thought perhaps the source text was Mary Shelley...enjoyed the surprise of discovering Dickens!

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  14. cool - know why I like it so much / I've been in love with Dickens forever


    Will have to try the exercise / still takes alot to carve out meaning from meaning

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  15. enjoyed this read.. and love Charles Dickens too. this was a fun exercise..

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  16. Fabulous, Fred! You've taken Dickens' words and created your own mini epic poem. While the tone remains somewhat Dickensian, your work choice and cadence modernize the feel.

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  17. Nicely done Fred! Yes it's pretty neat. 'Great Expectations' is a good choice.

    Hank

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  18. Nicely done.... inner thoughts well displayed...I especially liked the fourth para... it gives much to think...

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  19. Great response to the prompt. I've been so impressed by the erasure poetry everyone's come up with

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