Jackson Hoff, the self-proclaimed “ White Rabbit” was arrested late Thursday night, at his home on Hatter Terrace, part of the Looking Glass Estates neighborhood, for the charges of possession of narcotics with intent to sell, racketeering, soliciting the distribution of sexual acts with minors and for possession of child pornography.
Additionally Mr. Hoff is being questioned on the disappearance of three teenage girls from the Heartland, Portabella, and Keyhole communities. Lead investigators, Sergeants Jason Lewis and Tina Carroll, believe the missing person cases are somehow connected to Hoff and his self-promoted “ Pimpled Wonderland,” an organization that discretely connects clientele with Wonderland employees, guaranteeing the fulfillment of any and all fantasy, where there catch phrase is, “No matters too large or small, Pimples break one and all.”
Sgt. Lewis confirmed that Mr. Hoff is a suspect and will be interviewed very soon. Also confirmed is the rumor that DNA was indeed obtained through evidentiary collections at each of the potential abduction sites, where Sgt. Carroll states, what she can only describe as, a Hookah pipe being found at each location, each offering DNA samples of its own. The investigators cared not to speculate if they believed the evidence will return a positive match for Hoff, stating only, “ we have good reason to feel we’ve taken significant steps to apprehend additional information, whether Jackson Hoff is implicated or not is secondary to the fact we are much closer today than we were just hours ago, we are closer to solving the mysteries surrounding these young girls unfortunate disappearances.”
Lance Sebastian Dane, attorney for Mr. Hoff met with the media at 10:06pm, pleading his client’s innocence on all accounts, except for the charges of soliciting the sexual acts of minors. He claims his client will be cleared on all accounts, for lack of evidence, and labeled the charges as a major stretch, even for Nevada’s finest. Mr. Dane also states his client, at first, was informed all employees were squarely within the age of consent. It was only after a much too profitable span of a few months that some of the girl’s true ages was uncovered, at which point in time, Hoff was ready to terminate their roles within the organization. He also intended to report all and any matters of oversight to local authorities, when his client had an epiphany he could not suppress with formalities of legality.
He claimed his client spent the next few evenings meditating, as to what his next course of action would be. It was then that the moment of clarity revealed itself. While deep within a trancelike state, he was abruptly shaken from his visions of euphoria, to the sound of amplified noise. He uncrossed his legs, stood up and made his way into his theater, where, to his amazement, he found his bodyguard, Jefferson Dormouse’s young daughter Raven, in a state of excitement he had rarely, if ever seen, to this extent. He sat next to the child and took notice that the source of her jubilation was cartoons, vividly displayed on his 1865 Foot Oyster flat screen. It was at this very moment that he looked about the room, in 160 degrees and back. He wasn’t sure what was going on inside his head, which at this point felt all milky and had him feeling rather flushed. Then a commercial interrupted the animation and herein the signs of innovation squarely assailed his client then and there. It was a commercial for a cereal, where a white rabbit was attempting to steal the bowls of colorful loops from young children out at play. Just before the rabbit would have his indulgence though, the three selfish children caught him, took away the box and bowl, refusing to share. These little villains, Hoff professed to his counsel, instead chose to hide their greed behind nonsensical rationale. Mr. Dane repeated what the children in the commercial had said, “ Silly rabbit, Tricks are for kids.” It was at this very moment that Hoff knew exactly what he would do next.
Mr. Dane finished his statement to the media with a gauntlet thrown out at society. He claimed that we live in a world that suppresses one’s ability to freely act as they choose. He feels by indicting his client that a stepping stone will be cast, what’s next ugly men, obese women, or sentencing those who share partners much too young or older than what society deems acceptable and appropriate. “What is next,” The lawyer went on and on, some reporters stopped their recording devices and others yawned. Most however realized they were privy to a major scoop. Those who stayed alert heard Mr. Dane drop his client’s bombshell of a plan.
“ Papers have been filed with the 5th district court…” Dane continued in legalese, to the rolling eyes falling fast asleep. Then came the meat of this discourse, when Dane professed, “ We have issued suit against General Mills, as accessory to any crimes my client is accused of, as being libel because…”
The frenzy swirled the courthouse steps, reporters seeking more, dropping purses as they fumbled for pads and pens. Mr. Dane calmly said, “ In due time, for now I have nothing more to share.” He stepped into his limousine and was taken far from there.
The station has placed several unreturned calls to the Cereal giant. However, an anonymous caller, who we’ll call Snap, cites GM spokesman Theodore Rashid Ibrahim Xavier having been seen teeing up at the Cheshire country club. At first Mr. Xavier ignored the inconvenience but when pressed, spoke in a fierce tongue, unafraid to show a little fang, “ No comment,” was all he would say. It is said he hopped away in a tizzy, shielding face with hands, eventually dropping his clubs alongside the sand, in order to quicken pace.
IN OTHER NEWS:
The number 3 is seeking reparations for the many negative associations made regarding its role in trilogies. 3 is also seeking remuneration for monies lost in connection to any and all associations made on its behalf, to the often variant and erroneous so called “ Rule of 3.”
This one's not a poem, as I'm sure you've figured out by now. I Was going to post over at Sqwerm, where I do all sorts of things, but figured I get a lot more traffic here. Anyhow, I know it's not poetry, but hope you forgive me and enjoy nevertheless.