Thursday, April 19, 2012

Fear: Reframed

Well, I wasn't going to post a second piece tonight.  Kind of wanted to get some feedback on the piece I posted earlier today, but this prompt over at form-for-all at D'Verse, was too good not to take a stab at it.

It's called Framed Couplets, and Gay's write-up is very good.  It's a form that, in short, uses nine syllables per line, where the couplet's first syllables rhyme as do their last ones.  It was one of those that seemed much easier before actually doing the writing, but aren't most of them though?  Anyhow, stop on over and check out this form, write one up and link up to D'Verse, but at the very least head on over and read the great pieces composed and linked up already.




Intrinsic qualities buried deep
Interesting syllabi’s slowly creep,
Sophistically washing love with shame,
Suffocating bliss with doubt and blame

Found are the fragments that still conceal
Foul thoughts protesting joy, reveal
Detaining crutches that hold us back,
Defining man, solely by his lacks

Variety and selection, are
Varicose to those afraid to start
Travails, shielding as not to betray
Troubled arteries alone and frayed

12 comments:

  1. Hi Fred! Inner corruption creeps! A little creepy (in a good way)! Well done. K.

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  2. You took an interesting approach to the beginning syllable rhymes. Your subject is terribly sad. The form could almost be seen as a crutch which adds a layer of artistry to your work. Well done.

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  3. defining man by his lacks...yep that happens and we do it to ourselves as well...there is a nice swinging cadence in this as well which makes it pleasing to the ear...will drop back and see if i havent read that previous....

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  4. wow- you nailed the form- clinically! but sill kept a distinct poetic voice

    Variety and selection, are
    Varicose to those afraid to start
    Travails, shielding as not to betray
    Troubled arteries alone and frayed

    I loved this- spoek to me about how vulnerable people, anxious people, see change or the escape from routine as a challenge not excitement... and personally- i know this can be very true

    well penned- enjoyed muchly!

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  5. This really fits the form, a wonderful job filling it out with the emotion and substance bringing it alive.

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  6. WOW! This is good! I LOVE that you wrote about the writing. (Form poems that explore the act of writing always excite me.) So to top off the difficulties of the poem which you met brilliantly you added these wonderful metaphors of physical frailties discussing our psychological resistance to getting our work done. Brilliant!

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  7. Really like this Fred--as always your ambitious vocabulary works totally up to its level, and the rhyme just plays out the words like a Las Vegas croupier. Fear is a dream killer.

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  8. Fascinating form. This makes for a cool out loud read. I especially liked the second stanza... "defining man solely by his lacks." Nice.

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  9. Hiya Fred,
    Words to die for in there. Some I had to check to make sure they were actually around. My dictionary is doing overtime these days.

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  10. The complexitiy of man, always looking for the weakness that show so they can point out the lacking to make themselves feel better. Sad but true once more how people have to bring themselves up by putting others down. Nailed the form I will say but that is the norm at your bay.

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  11. Fear does inhibit happiness, even when something joyful is acheived, when fear is present it kind of colors things in awful shade and spoils things. Very quickly criticizes, very quickly finds problems to be unhappy about.

    Awesome rhymes.

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  12. This form really imposes a lot of discipline on the writer, doesn't it? Nevertheless, you worked your way through the framed couplet structure admirably.

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