Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Transformations Among War-Bred Kin

The doors are open over at the pub.  Open Link Night is in full swing.  Stop on by D'Verse and check out all the great poetry in play, and while you're there, link up one of your own.

atop charred earth, decisions remain

   when foliage stays,                                   
                                  does our soil yet still grow?
Trampling beasts
                  hunted, scared
                           as herds of men
                                             frolic near
Ensiferous and cruel
the blades weep
for outcomes likely due
                                    the spots
                        we grow

Shedding our skin thrice in life
        the disconnected cord’s the first
            followed by the innocence of youth—
                      here is where mutations spread,
                                 altering the balances—
                             and the last to leave
                         is the transformation,
                  as men, we’ll never see


  1. this really takes off for me at sheding our skin thrice...the disconnected cord is the fist is a great line...and a bit of a somber touch to close...

  2. the blades weep is so powerful.

    too bad war has to be bred at all.

  3. Wow... fabulous write Fred. The last stanza is even shaped like an arrow head. My teen is reading a book right now and it's about a boy who knows he is 'different' from others. He was a clone of someone and he was planted inside a cow, for some reason. (It's sci-fi) So, I wonder how man will transform in a few more years from now.
    Wonderful writing once again.

  4. There's a dystopian feel to this, despite the touches of the natural world--it's a natural world held at bay, and the ending is quietly terrifying. Love that. Implied--we may see it, but not as humans...also, bonus points for ensiferous.

  5. Almost see the field of men scattered here and there in colonies with the scatter of words. Shedding skin as stages, that's rather cool put like that. The outer side changes, deep inside it's still the same person, same soul. "War-Bred Kind" -- I agree because I think that is our tendency.

  6. You are making my night with the introduction of ensiferous! Shedding our skin thrice, great imagery and metaphor. Fine writing Fred, always a pleasure to read your work.

  7. Fred...again, all the unanswered questions that prompt so many pens to sort it all out through words. Alas, the mystery remains in those men we'll never see. Deep stuff that leads this mind to wonder, to ponder and reflect on this awesome weave! You rock! Hard-core! :)

  8. Yeah we surely are transformers in our own right, just as explosive too as we blow the crap out of one another, were as kids usually don't have that as they see the world way better than we do. Then we shed that and become way worse, unable to change back it seems. At least for many, always some that never fully go adult..lol

  9. we're some strange sort of life warriors, aren't we..fighting our own battles and wonder how it all will end...nice write fred

  10. Poignant, and as mysterious as the way my first comment just disappeared. I'll try again...

  11. Fred..really like the 3 arrowed structure reflecting the 'Shedding our skin thrice in life' ~ much covered for such a small place of words, that end on the ultimate question .. like lots

  12. hey fred - coming in late like this i dont want to sound like a broken record - but i totally agree with hedge and anna - particularly the distopian vibe... i know your a movie buff like myself... i bet you see everything in movie terms also - this write put me in a Battle Royale space or something akin - battlefields... regardless i was engrossed in the imagery and headspace created - all the best bud :)

  13. When foliage stays does our sell yet grow? - this conjured up images of war- the splintered tree stumps, the damp muddy earth- pooled with water...man sheds his skin over and over again- yet we never seem able to learn our lessons- great powerful writing

  14. Whew, that ending; the final transformation! The transformation that, as men, we'll never see.
    Extra points for sending me to the dictionary for "ensiferous".

  15. Amazing. I've been thinking a lot about transformation lately. "Shedding our skin thrice in life" - fantastic summary right there. I also like how you played with the form of the poem.

  16. Again, you transform my vision of what is, creating a world where what I thought I knew now stands transformed.

  17. love this, the form and format adding so much to your fabulous words... the transformations we will never see, the mystery that is life/death/life, nice!

  18. Powerful piece. Violence either takes us into that second transformation and/or is often played out there. And of course we're not there at all anymore after the third one.