It's called Framed Couplets, and Gay's write-up is very good. It's a form that, in short, uses nine syllables per line, where the couplet's first syllables rhyme as do their last ones. It was one of those that seemed much easier before actually doing the writing, but aren't most of them though? Anyhow, stop on over and check out this form, write one up and link up to D'Verse, but at the very least head on over and read the great pieces composed and linked up already.
Intrinsic
qualities buried deep
Interesting
syllabi’s slowly creep,
Sophistically
washing love with shame,
Suffocating
bliss with doubt and blame
Found
are the fragments that still conceal
Foul
thoughts protesting joy, reveal
Detaining
crutches that hold us back,
Defining
man, solely by his lacks
Variety
and selection, are
Varicose
to those afraid to start
Travails,
shielding as not to betray
Troubled
arteries alone and frayed
Hi Fred! Inner corruption creeps! A little creepy (in a good way)! Well done. K.
ReplyDeleteYou took an interesting approach to the beginning syllable rhymes. Your subject is terribly sad. The form could almost be seen as a crutch which adds a layer of artistry to your work. Well done.
ReplyDeletedefining man by his lacks...yep that happens and we do it to ourselves as well...there is a nice swinging cadence in this as well which makes it pleasing to the ear...will drop back and see if i havent read that previous....
ReplyDeletewow- you nailed the form- clinically! but sill kept a distinct poetic voice
ReplyDeleteVariety and selection, are
Varicose to those afraid to start
Travails, shielding as not to betray
Troubled arteries alone and frayed
I loved this- spoek to me about how vulnerable people, anxious people, see change or the escape from routine as a challenge not excitement... and personally- i know this can be very true
well penned- enjoyed muchly!
This really fits the form, a wonderful job filling it out with the emotion and substance bringing it alive.
ReplyDeleteWOW! This is good! I LOVE that you wrote about the writing. (Form poems that explore the act of writing always excite me.) So to top off the difficulties of the poem which you met brilliantly you added these wonderful metaphors of physical frailties discussing our psychological resistance to getting our work done. Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteReally like this Fred--as always your ambitious vocabulary works totally up to its level, and the rhyme just plays out the words like a Las Vegas croupier. Fear is a dream killer.
ReplyDeleteFascinating form. This makes for a cool out loud read. I especially liked the second stanza... "defining man solely by his lacks." Nice.
ReplyDeleteHiya Fred,
ReplyDeleteWords to die for in there. Some I had to check to make sure they were actually around. My dictionary is doing overtime these days.
The complexitiy of man, always looking for the weakness that show so they can point out the lacking to make themselves feel better. Sad but true once more how people have to bring themselves up by putting others down. Nailed the form I will say but that is the norm at your bay.
ReplyDeleteFear does inhibit happiness, even when something joyful is acheived, when fear is present it kind of colors things in awful shade and spoils things. Very quickly criticizes, very quickly finds problems to be unhappy about.
ReplyDeleteAwesome rhymes.
This form really imposes a lot of discipline on the writer, doesn't it? Nevertheless, you worked your way through the framed couplet structure admirably.
ReplyDelete