She.
Deserves.
Better
than me.
She
Deserves.
Better
than Hypothetical disasters and overanalyzed bridges not yet crossed,
She’s
special
In
that special
Kind
of way
She’s
Perfect
In
so
Many
Ways
And I,
I fear I’ll never be so-so, on
my best of best days.
But
most of all,
She deserved better,
Better than me
Telling her
she deserved better than me
Because,
it’s her emotions
It’s
her beliefs,
She’s
loves me
And
she certainly deserved better
To be able
to tell me when things weren’t fair
To tell me when/if
her feelings changed. That she was
strong enough or if she needed help. That she deserved a chance to see if she could help me if she wanted to, which it turns out she did, in any way she could. She deserved to make up her own mind and tell me when she foresaw a problem. And then the chance to make recommendations upon; to help me to work with her to solve any problem that potentially appeared. She
deserved more. Far, far more than I gave her.
So it then appears, that by my belief that she deserved more than me. I made decisions on my own and in turn proved she deserved more than what I gave her.
Now I can only hope,
She'll return
and I'm not sure I deserve her.
But I hope she still feels I do.
Hindsight is 20/20, what we should have done and should not have done. Sometimes it's more obvious and we should stop yapping about it and make things better. Also sometimes feeling as if we aren't worthy enough just brings us down so we aren't. Can be a slippery slope indeed.
ReplyDeleteI love the pauses in the lines, the effects created by the full-stops -- the message of love, loving someone, allowing them to love, allowing them to decide. It could so easily become one of self beating 'I'm not good enough"; it sort of is along those lines but the difference is there is enough respect for the other person to allow for the other room to make up her mind. The doubt exists but so does hope when the narrator refuses to allow these feelings of doubt to dominate. This breaks what could have been a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure in the relationship.
ReplyDeleteWhat is interested about how the lines are stopped, is how easy it is to rush read and miss that effect, thus a metaphor in itself that not pausing to question and ponder over one's thoughts can sometimes lead to misreading and wrong conclusion of the relationship and/or interactions.
I like the poignancy and sadness in your words...melancholy without going into the trite overload.
ReplyDeleteI don't believe we can measure if we deserve someone else love, but we can only hope and work on it ~