Shades
of thyme, a wake in
The
missed stress of the eave
She
butchers breath at the lip
She
stutter-steps the blood to drip
Slow
lea erased
Slow
lea
A
loan to keep her guard in place
The
missed stress of the eave
A
strained grass widow leaves
To
those who did not know
To
those who cared not to
Oft
thinly labeled her
Whore…
Ur-Tare her,
Cull
lapsed; she died
A
rash on all
But
the missed stress of the eave
Until
then,
Always
rose above them all
love the wordplay in this...and love how you give her dignity..
ReplyDeleteThanks Claudia, glad you enjoyed the piece, I have a few more wordplay writes in store for the next few days, went on a bit of a wordplay way. And the dignity, well that I just had to do. Thanks
DeleteFred, this is so cool. I love the use of the homonyms. There's an Irishy-gaelic aspect to the more rarified usages, which, of course, creates this wonderful dark mood. Butching breath at the lip, the stutter-steps--very cool aside from all those eaves. K.
ReplyDeleteManic, thanks, I saw that gaelic feel in here myself when I was reviewing it, wasn't really intended, just kind of came out that way, but really glad to see I wasn't the only one thinking along those lines. Thanks.
DeleteNice use of language skills to bring across her feelings. Liked the sound of this one at play, a creepy feel indeed too. Nice!
ReplyDeletehey fred
ReplyDeletethis write has great shape and style
the word play is excellent and the tone tragic but with bite and room to sneer...
being in the gutter and starring at the stars - two seperate things brother...
nice work ;)
I was a bit ...slow lea to catch on about the clever word play too, but, very, very nicely and expertly well done.
ReplyDeleteThe homonym is a very underused device--it's just stunning here, Fred, the way you've made it speak so many ways, so many images. Liltingly, too, with that sort of brogue others have mentioned. But its the images that stick with me, the mistressed eve, the irrational.
ReplyDeleteshe died a rash on all...great line there fred...hey you have a pic...and a full name...sorry i got sdistracted there for a minute...great word play too...like how you break them down....
ReplyDeleteInteresting language, powerful piece... enjoyed it!
ReplyDeleteGreat poem, awesome use of wordplay. I had to re-read the "Slow lea" bit a few times, lol. I just love "Cull lapsed" and "A rash on all". Well done.
ReplyDeleteReally liked the imagery and the wordplay in this poem!
ReplyDeleteLoved the word play .... I have a friend who'd love this piece. And the ending was great!
ReplyDeleteI do love wordplay as well, and rhis took me some time to catch on. Good job, kinda reminding me now a little of cummings. But this is a bit more primeval, closer to a darker self of ee maybee.
ReplyDeleteScintillating wordplay and tragedy here too... top form Fred. Thanks for this 'un man
ReplyDelete