Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The Coffee Shop- Part I ? (The Inciting Incident)

A casual encounter
On an ambiguous
Thursday afternoon

It was sometime
Shortly after lunch
As the sandwich wrapper
Still rustled—fresh mustard
Connecting table to thumb,

For a chance of vision
There she flashed,
A brilliant glimpse behind
The paned glass

The waitress returned
But did not bother
As it was obvious
I was not there,
Slowly, stirring the empty mug
It was clear
My thoughts had gone elsewhere.

Tuesday is upon us once again.  And you all know what that means?  Yep, Open Link Night over at D'Verse.  Make sure you stop by for this first OLN of the New Year and read some wonderfully creative poetry and even submit one of your own for others to enjoy.  Cheers. 


  1. Just that suddenly, sometimes, the whole world seems to revolve into a different combination of elements, like a Rubic's cube. Great capture of a catalytic moment here, Fred--got a real visual on the mustard, too.

  2. woo good stuff here! really liked "fresh mustard
    Connecting table to thumb," - nice seeing this up at dVerse. OT

  3. ha nice...love the... fresh mustard
    Connecting table to thumb... so visible and believe it or not...can smell the mustard... and almost lick my fingers...yikes...so when is part II coming up..? smiles

  4. an empy mug...that hurts the tip you know...smiles...nice little glance through the window too...so you are continuing this one?

  5. Thanks for stopping by, really great comments, thanks Hedge, love that catalytic- awesome word.

    I guess the mustard line rang pretty well with yall so far. I almost didn't keep it in there, thought it might alter the tone a bit. Glad I kept it in there.

    Claudia, funny you should ask. There actually is another poem, The All is lost moment, but as I reread it today, kind of odd actually, when I wrote these two I really thought that was the stronger one, but in reading over them today I found out that one was no where near ready to post. Perhaps I'll have it ready for next week. Thanks

  6. I love the mustard line too. Loved it all actually. Hard to sit stirring an empty mug but, if your thoughts were taken up with something more pleasant, then, that can't be all bad.
    Nice write Fred.

  7. Hey Fred...its like a micro version of Bretons Nadja...you crushed this one into a little pearl brother...
    excellent and memorable

  8. I sometimes have that disconnect moments too ~

    Like that last scene of an empty mug ~

    Happy day ~

  9. Funny how things can just take us out of the moment and into another. But hey when you get flashed from behind the paned glass, it's hard not to look..LOL

  10. I really like this! Lovely flow. Great ending.

  11. I enjoyed how you call our attention to the structure in the title, and intimate the remove of the window separating the primary actors. This in effect mirrors the distance created in bringing to light to the screenplay structure. The detail and sense impressions only add to the paradox of the fiction, a 'Art is a lie that makes us realize truth' moment but with the edge of self-consciousness which is very post-modern. A philosophical piece in a way (or at least in my mind at this late hour - ha). Great work!

  12. Nice... funny how moments can change everything and make everlasting memories!

  13. Love people watching ....especially when they are oblivious ...think this captures many moments I have experienced thank you so much for sharing ...have a fab 2012 x

  14. I love the change in perceptions in those odd moments where everything shifts. Very nicely done.

  15. Ditto everyone on the awesomeness of the mustard image. But I most liked the "ambiguous Thursday". Would that my Friday included a bit more of that kind of ambiguity...