Thursday, November 17, 2011

Whirlwinds At Sea


Over at D'Verse, it's form for all time once again.  This week Beth Winter was kind enough to share the form of Staccato.  I'd like to thank her and Gay for manning the bar tonight as we tread down this rather musical journey.  I've tried my hand at these before, but never knew exactly what I was doing, that is other than trying to grasp the form through reading others poems.  But now the form is detailed out with examples, making it almost cruel not to give it another shot.

It was a lot of fun.  I did find the syllabic restrictions a bit tough to conform to, as it just so happened I had a few really good lines that happened to have 9 syllables in them or 11, but no fear I've saved those lines for the future.  I've been suffering through a bit of writer's block the past few days, so perhaps, at least I'm hoping, that this was just the elixir that I needed to rekindle the old wheels upstairs.  If not, well it will come, and in the meanwhile I was able to learn a new form. Thanks again to everyone over at D'verse, you guys and gals are great!

Traveling along the ridged shoreline
Stopped to watch the rippling of waves divine.
Time Slows! Time Slows! As gaze meets sea
Ceding, breeding, feelings in me!
Never been so deeply entranced this way,
Time Slows, as all worry gets washed away!

This time every ill has been set aside,
While drifting still along this timeless ride.
Whirlwinds! Whirlwinds! Swirls under sky
As fabled songs of sirens die!
In a haze, but fearing naught, as unsheathed
Whirlwinds guide, safely past all rocks beneath

18 comments:

  1. nice rhyme.
    I especially like the rhythm in
    Whirlwinds! Whirlwinds! Swirls under sky
    As fabled songs of sirens die!

    this is good. I get the message from the shoreline.

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  2. Very nice. It really does evoke the feeling of being by the sea. K.

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  3. Fabulous use of the form, making the three repeats per stanza carry their load without overwhelming. Your rhyming is subtle but maintains that musical sensation when read out loud. Very well done.

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  4. Excellent job with this! I love "as fabled songs of sirens die."

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  5. Those feelings will get you everytime :). Perfect form and it sings hope. I want to find that place along the shore.

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  6. Never fear, I believe your muse has returned. The feel of the sea rocks the poem throughout as you perfectly execute the form, although with the subtle construction it doesn't show through but seems a natural and fluid construction. Well done!

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  7. This really does have a "drifting" feel to it.

    As fabled songs of sirens die

    That is SO good.

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  8. Kind of felt like I was taken away by the time I was done the third line. You certainly took this form and used it to its full advantage in what I would call an 'airy' and 'free-flowing' piece.

    Also really enjoyed how the commas add to the overall flow of the write.

    Mine: http://art-soul-ink-writes.blogspot.com/2011/11/heavens-door.html

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  9. nice...for a poem so short this has an epic feel...you capture feeling well and give nice relief at the end as well...

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  10. Great jobe with the form and such wonderful depiction of the sea. I really like this, especially the first stanza.

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  11. wow, fred, you did an excellent job with the form. I love the spirituality in this - time slowing down watching waves of divine and even those sirens couldn't cause any trouble :)

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  12. Great capture of the sense of the sea. I especially like "Time slows! Time slows!" The exclamation points there give that phrase a sense of excitement and discovery.

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  13. Nice rhymes. Conveys a feeling of inspiration from the constant sureness of waves and wind out at sea when read aloud. I think it's the narrator who feels that whirlwind, an unstoppable spirit or at least filled with such a spirit that such he feels would see him through anything.

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  14. Oh this just tingles my kitty senses from head to toe, as you played with the dVerse show. Rhyming up a storm for this interesting form, guess the writers block went bye bye or at least left one eye, as you went on your quest and passed the rhyming test..haha

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  15. Very nice form and the repetitive words tie in nicely. Like the flow too ~

    Thanks also for your kind words in my other blog ~

    I appreciate it ~

    Grace

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  16. Thanks everyone, really had a fun time working with the staccato, it was challenging yet definitely a lot of fun, and it looks like, knock on wood, that the writer's block was ousted by the power of the staccato- or perhaps it was D'Verse, either way thanks:)

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  17. I had the same syllable count issue as you, one short or one extra. It was a challenge, right? I enjoyed your journey in poem.

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