Friday, November 11, 2011

The Spot of X (Stream)

Marks the spot
Spotting the grave

Gravest ideals
Ideally sutured
In close.

Above the gravity
A swarm of bees
Flutters past
In a buzz
Scurrying for the Queen—
         Barefoot and pregnant
Back in the hive.

Atop a violet stool-step
Plucking the guitar
Made from sinew
Playing loud
Yet feeling gentle to task.

Vast expanse
Lilies amidst
An ocean blue

Soon winter wakes
Hibernation’s tongue is dry
Until sleep’s revenge
Ends its thirst for beginning.


  1. Fred, I like the progression of Grav-words at the beginning (Grave, Gravest, Gravity), the sudden shifts of imagery, the way you phrased: gentle to task, the almost iteration of progression of Se-words (Sea-side, Serenade, Serenity), the delicacy of: Lilies amidst/An ocean blue/Horizon, and the last stanza is evocative. These stream pieces exhibit qualities of your mind that are very intriguing.

  2. X really does mark the spot, or would that be multiple spots? Really liked the last stanza, although I wish winter would stay asleep and leave us alone, it can keep it's snow for one year..haha

  3. ha some fine word play as always...there is some sweet irony in this as you will see here shortly at poetics because you already have all your bases covered....the allit there in the next to last stanza is nice...and hibernations dry toungue is great texture...

  4. Anna, Oh that's cool with the Grav... I didn't even notice that. I do like stream pieces, they are raw and what the mind is assimilating at that given time. Sometimes these types of pieces say a lot to me, in a similar fashion the Diarized work can offer, but obviously in a much more clouded framework. I'll look back at them and see what my mind happens to be pointing out to me. Sometimes I won't get anything, others I'll say "wow that came out pretty neat, but don't see what the old brain was trying to get at here," and then you'll get the moments of epiphany that sometimes appear. Not sure with this one yet, but I really like what you got out of it, that's neat to read, and yes, there does seem to be a good deal of word starters. Great feedback, thanks

  5. Pat, I like looking at the winter but hate being out in it-lol Unfortunately Buffalo, while not as bad as the media would lead one to believe, is still a winter wonderland for three-four months a year.


    Hmm.. I am looking forward to Poetics now, Irony is always fun to play with, got me intrigued now:)

  6. This pretty interesting, with some fine lines and images. Thre breakages between stanzas is oretty well handles and so the transitions between incongruities works for the most part. I am guessing that this is dream imagery. The word Scenery seems a bit of a stretch as plucking a guitar, if that was what was meant. In any case it sticks out and seems to have no place to go, too objectivizing a word here. Vast expanse, as well. I think the rest of the stanza embodies that, so to say it so bluntly seems redundant. I don't know what to do with "Above the gravity," again a bit too prosaic but also too imprecise. How can bees literally be above gravity unless they are in space? If you mean to use it the sense that Simone Weil does in Gravity and Grace, then perhaps something like grace might be best used in this instance.

  7. Charles, this piece is a stream of consciousness piece, I do these quite often here and there, never truly know what will come out as it goes straight from thought to typing into keyboard. But the crit is great I really appreciate it, as careful consideration on one's work is always a benefit to the author, enabling new perspective and hopefully offering a base for future improvement. But crit also helps the commenter as well, at least for myself it typically does, where by being in tune assists you on your own. thanks, great feedback