Thursday, February 23, 2012

Of Porcelain and Snow


of bark,
a daggered dress
remains
teacup stains of pearl,

of shard,
a charcoal tint
blessing
marbled stones in gaze

of flame,
a wick—blustered
root—wrenched
tress—stamped to palm 

of clay  
a ruffled wing
plucking
sky-dress tattered pink

of puddle—
rubbered soles
skitter
citrine rippling wake


 Over at D'Verse they're hosting their FormForAll and this week the prompt deals with the connection between classical Chinese and Japanese poetry.  Blue Flute guest posted a tremendous write-up and asked us to compose a piece using tangible imagery.  I did my best here, and not entirely sure how this piece came to be, as  I started writing about fluffy yellow rabbits, easter-eggs and green straw and then somehow this disturbing piece of the uncaring/unseeing eyes of society, ignorant to those desperately in need of help.  Quite frankly, not sure if I should be concerned or not.   

Also, side-note here, I think I fixed the word-verification thing that I guess somehow appeared at my site.  So, if someone could just drop a yes or no in with their comment, if, in-fact, it has been pulled.  Thanks   

33 comments:

  1. So subtle I had to read it several times to understand its fierceness, although it is there. I wonder if CSI teams find beauty in the "crime scene" because this is as delicate as a painting on Chinese porcelain which I suppose is the underlying metaphor anyway. Challenging and beautiful.

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    1. Thanks. You know, that CSI thought has crossed my mind before, I'd guess they'd get numbed at a point and would separate the reality of the situation and begin to see colors, but I don't know, not a thought I ever fully thought through, but found it interesting you mentioned it as I have actually thought it. Yes the chinese porcelain metaphor is here. Thanks

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  2. I really like this and don't know why. The first thing that struck me was incantatory cadence, connected to images very vividly drawn yet mysterious in their meaning. I was ready to let it go at that, mysterious incantation, and then I notice the labels you applied to it. With these in mind I went back read the poem again. I could actually see where the labels fit. This didn't deprive the poem of its mysterious quality and that is really cool, I think.

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    1. Thanks Charles. I see the cadence idea, but I can't claim to have consciously plotted it in, just one of those things that happens in poetry sometimes. Glad you enjoyed the piece, and glad the tags didn't ruin the mysterious element, as that is important for me to convey as anything. Thanks again.

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  3. tea-cup stains of pearl... so vivid and I love the word skittered. Wonderful offering.

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    1. Thanks Beth, glad you enjoyed the piece. Yeah I love skittered as well, was actually meaning to use it a while back, but forgot about it, and it kind of jumped to the forefront of my mind as I wrote this, so I incorporated it in. Thanks again.

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  4. No word verification, by the way :) I dislike those things. I think computers should have to prove they aren't human instead of us proving that we are.

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    1. Oh good, thanks for letting me know. I hate that WV stuff too, really annoying. Yeah, that's a great thought-lol

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  5. Nice, Fred. You really nailed that prompt.

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    1. Thanks MZ, glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for letting me know about the WV.

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  6. And, word verification appears to be gone.

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  7. really great piece...your opening stanza i think is my fav...it is very strong...the daggered dress...evocative man...i think you embrace this much further than i did...very well done...

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    1. Thanks Brian, I love, as I think you probably figured out by now, but I love turning nouns into verbs whenever I can, and daggered adds something extra to jagged, at least I thought so too. Glad you liked this. Thanks again. and thanks about letting me know about the WV

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  8. the images started to flow with the title...some brave captures..esp. touched by..
    of clay
    a ruffled wing
    plucking
    sky-dress tattered pink... masterful job in putting such hard-to-convey themes into pictures..

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    1. Thanks Claudia, glad you enjoyed the write. Masterful {blush} really appreciate the compliment. Thanks again.

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  9. I think your response to the assignment is spot on - very strong visual imagery.

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  10. This is both clever and very moving, a fine achievement.

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    1. Thanks Dave, glad you appreciated the poem.

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  11. I like how you've presented this...

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  12. I think I like the first and third stanzas best. The images are clearest and most compelling. But "sky-dress tattered pink" is nice as well.

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    1. thanks, glad you enjoyed the piece. The other stanzas are more abstract in their imagery, the two you mention are probably the clearest, I agree. Thanks again

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  13. I really enjoyed this piece--the repetition of how you opened the first line in each stanza, the light, ethereal feeling contrasted with a dark theme, suggestive images like "of shard, / a charcoal tint / blessing / marbled stones in gaze"

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  14. Wow where was I with this one, having quite the party here, see what happens when WV goes away..haha...now if only google would f off and let the posts show. You never know, even the distrubing and messed up crap, some find a beauty to it, perferably not the nutcases. Which I don't think you are, but if the fluffy yellow rabbit starts to talk to you and you respond, seek help..haha

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  15. You did nail the prompt... great images, even if very tragic.

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  16. I loved the imagery here. Because it is abstract- there is much meaning and interpretation to be gleaned. For me- the subject matters , the objects,- for examples candles flickering, the puddles, the clay- all gave a very cold feel to this. Not that that is a bad thing- on the contrary- I LOVE writing like this....

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  17. I like this a lot..You took the form to depths I didn't...I like the first one the best "a daggered dress
    remains teacup stains of pearl" Great piece!

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  18. Terse and gritty images...I specially like:

    of clay
    a ruffled wing
    plucking
    sky-dress tattered pink

    Thanks for sharing ~

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  19. of clay
    a ruffled wing
    plucking
    sky-dress tattered pink - has to be my favourite, but it's all good.

    Great work here.

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  20. of clay
    a ruffled wing
    plucking
    sky-dress tattered pink - has to be my favourite section, but it's all good.

    Great write.

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  21. I did like the "daggered" dress too...the images are strong here with an undercurrent of sad anger...if that makes any sense to you.

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