you’ve
got something
I’ve
got something
we’ve got something…
US.
no matter the hardship,
no matter the peril
when all else fails
and there seems no right course to stay
i’ll remember still…
I’ve
got something
you’ve
got something
we’ve got something…
US.
however high the dangers rise,
however
small the blessings are
holdfast and breathe…
for after darkness, the light will come
ever shining, ever remembering…
we’ve
Got Something
you’ve
got something
I’ve got something…
YOU.
the eyes can go blind
a deafening we may find
touch might
grow coarse
but in the end dreams fulfill,
altering the identity of tears
please, I pray you remember…
we’ve
Got Something
I’ve
got something
you’ve got something…
ME.
Awww.. this does play like a song in the mind. It is so lovely, I love the hope in it.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely little poem! I agree I love the hope in, I like the way it slots together too xx
ReplyDeleteThis is so sweet! The refrain works beautifully.
ReplyDeletealtering the identity of tears... love this!
ReplyDeleteyes, it is so much like a song (the beatles comes to mind)
ReplyDeletecliffhanger
The chorus-like refrain is very effectively used to create that sense of shared experience you want to strengthen your relationship. The use of the whole page, again, is very effective as well in carving in space the distance you wish to bridge between each other. I enjoyed very much the music of this, and it brought to mind a simple chant or response song they sing in churches. Your desire for a relationship based on something more solid than emotion shows thru in both form and music, I think.
ReplyDeleteThe repetition really hits home and this would be a really good tune. No matter the crap that comes along they just push through, if more relationships were like that there would be way less divorce and crap, but sadly people give up at the first sign of opposition.
ReplyDeletenice...love the chorus in this...and doesnt it feel so good that no matter what there is US...that is rock through out the storms...if we stay together you know...nice synchro too...smiles.
ReplyDeleteOne can clap to this. :) Such cheer.
ReplyDeletenice fred...love the closeness...the unity in this..also very nicely made visible through the structure...reads like a love song..
ReplyDeleteso much sadness... may the light bring hope
ReplyDeleteAs the world's newest "romantic" poet (Shhh, it's still a secret to most), I really enjoyed this piece, Fred.
ReplyDeleteThe sentiment, the structure, the whole poem carried me along. Thanks!!
Definately a song to my ear and id goes as far as too say the best write of yours ive read so far fred (imho)
ReplyDeletetight and succint, shrewd and the refrain is touching but the right side of sentiment; nice work brother :)
Something new and sweet from you~
ReplyDeleteI like that you are playing with the structure; these lines repeating at every verse works very well ~
we’ve Got Something
I’ve got something
you’ve got something…
ME.
Love the presentation and this is definitely lyrical. What a pleasure to read out loud, letting it move throughout as the words fill the room. Wonderful sharing.
ReplyDelete