I
see you see the scarecrow
I see you
saw the goat
I
see you understand now
I
understand you don’t
I
see you found the knife fine
I see
you’ve hid your throat
I
see you stare the mirror
I see you
saw right through
I
see you shed your coating
I see
yours has blistered too
I
see why you hate me
I’m so
glad you do
Through
Inhalation,
I
summon air
Through
Exhalation,
I make it
disappear
two ends of a process
different yet the same
two directions travelled
connected but estranged
I’ve seen
you and your glory,
I’ve seen
you and all your fame
I’ve seen how you are blamed,
I see in you much shame
I see you expire,
I see you
return,
I can’t
escape you,
that much
I am sure
I’ve seen your attempts at leaving,
I’ve seen you come back to me,
I can’t afford to lose you
for together we are one
I see you
love me dearly,
I see your
forgiveness, each and every time
I see you as intended,
I see in bone we are the same
I see you
always bring the answers
to the
questions I’ve yet to name
I see you see the scarecrow,
yet choose not to run away
I see you
saw the goat,
yet never
chose to boast
I see you understand now
I see
something I do
I see you found the knife fine
I see no
need,
to
guard yourself from me
I see you stare the mirror,
tell me what you see?
I see what
you’ve always shown,
I thought
I’d find religion,
but it’s
your face I now see
I mirror your reflection,
yet it’s your eyes I now see
returning gaze to me
I see you’ve shed your coating
I see no
difference between the two
I see what I’ve always known,
I see how much you love me,
Surfacing from way down deep inside
I’m so glad you can
I’m so glad you do
Through inhalation
We summon
the air
Through exhalation
We cleanse
away impurity,
Accepting each our many sides
Not sure this was supposed to be as fun as I made it out to be, but it was a great read. Enjoyed the start the most, as "I'm so glad you do" just sounded like something I'd blurt out..hahaha...really like the voices mix, played wonderfully off one another.
ReplyDeletetried to comment earlier but IE will not let you comment when you used word verification....love the structure of this....each side playing off the other giving us different perspectives...and bringing them together through out was a nice touch...
DeletePat, I was actually wondering if the sarcastic/humor in here would come out or not, dialogue has never been my strong suit and thought I'd play with it a little here. Glad you liked the piece.
DeleteBrian, hmm, do I have WV, I didn't think I was supposed to , I'll have to check it out. But I wouldn't be surprised as Google still has my current piece as one I wrote back in december-lol Glad you liked the piece, different perspectives that come together- yes, that's a big part of this piece. Thanks
wow..think i have to re-read again...but really love the way you go here..the way of trying to understand, of heading in the same direction, of looking the other in the eye..
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's part of it, the overriding metaphor at least, the notion of push/pull , in/out relationships, and how each comprises the whole, and while you may not be happy about a certain aspect, together the whole works- that kind of thing. Glad you enjoyed the piece. Thanks
Deletelike Pat - i had fun and i think this can be the key to such writes - they must have a sense of humor - if we dont turn a dark smile to these dicitomies our heads will explode lol all this said i'm a sick puppy lol... i liked the gear changes and various structural components thread and in the content i found some creepy, some blackness but ultimatley some energy and thrust toward peace which is crucial.
ReplyDeletegood going bro :)
Yeah I can be a sick puppy myself at times-lol There is humor in here, definitely some creepiness as well. Yes, the notion of harmony was the big picture theme though, glad you saw that too. Thanks.
DeleteI think this started intriguingly, by the length was excessive... Not because I mind reading, but because a more concise execution could have made this into something really cool... Just two cents
ReplyDeleteNo, this place would be a boring world if everyone saw things exactly the same and constructive feedback is always appreciated. I actually thought about making the piece shorter but felt that the it would be a different piece, with a different theme if I had-which isn't to say that that piece wouldn't have been stronger, it very well may have, I do have a tendency to overkill at times, which I try to look out for, but often have difficulty with the cutting room floor. Glad you enjoyed the topic and the beginning. Thanks.
DeleteGreat framing of the internal dialogue, and everything that goes with it. The form follows function beautifully, and the repetition, mirror-like, shows the same thing reversed and thus not the same as well...enjoyed it much, Fred--nice and twisty, but plain and straightforward, too--a difficult mix.
ReplyDeleteHedge, glad you liked the second part of the dialogue, I actually was contemplating not using it, but what you mentioned here is how I was thinking, that the reversal aspect was needed. Great feedback as always. thanks
DeleteI loved the form and interplay between the voices--2 sides of the same coin--but so different--so well done!
ReplyDelete@AudreyHowitt
Thanks Audrey, glad you enjoyed the piece, yes the 2 sides of the coin, but a bit different- glad you saw that
DeleteIt was just like talking to oneself in a mirror. The conflict, the duality of good and bad thoughts, each needing the other.
ReplyDeleteAnother excellent write from you!
Yes, the duality, two sides of a coin, the positive/negative aspects of the self- Thanks, really glad you enjoyed the piece. having some trouble getting your site to load up, will try again shortly, don't know why that's happening, never has before.
DeleteHey Fred! I haven't seen one of these multi-levels in quite a while, and am so very pleased to find that you have created one.
ReplyDeleteThere is a 'magical' fee to this, almost like 'spell' casting!
"Through inhalation
We summon the air
Through exhalation
We cleanse away impurity,
Accepting each our many sides."
Kudos, Roger ☺
Roger, spell casting, I like that, glad you saw some magic in here, that's a really cool compliment- thanks, glad you enjoyed the piece
DeleteI like the contrasts and two voices then the blending of the two as one. Indeed we are more than just one side or aspect; we are a mix of contradictions and conflicting emotions. The form played nicely too ~
ReplyDeleteThanks always for your kinds words in my blogs ~
Thanks Heaven, glad you enjoyed the piece. Anytime, I enjoy your poetry. Thanks
DeleteThe antiphonal quaility of this dialog is very compelling. Is it two lovers, soul and body, brahman and atman speaking with each other. I find interesting that these options pose themselves. I think it's the honesty of the replies and the statements, the coming to face facts that might not otherwisr get said, that makes it compelling reading. I do like the way you have it arranged on the screen as well. It creates a real tension between the two sides, which is not simply verbal or conceptual but also concrete. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThanks Charles, I appreciate the feedback. I wanted there to be some sort of vagueness to the identities of the two characters, so I'm glad that came through. Thanks
DeleteThis is .... I like this piece ... the two voices play off each other well. Great read :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Robert, really glad you enjoyed the read.
DeleteFascinating. Truly enjoyed the dialog.
ReplyDelete