Friday, February 24, 2012

Amidst Suppressive Noise

Into a kettle-cloud’s
Deafening eye,
Elapsing; scattered through,
A prism’s dying,
Shaded hue

Vision skewers
Ordinary life,
Impaling the mundane
Cacophonic strife;
Eliciting the strange

A powdered fray
Blurs the node
Unto erasure’s
Threshing code;
Severing mesh from curve

The rhythms of neutrality unnerve,
Heroic monstrosities, bred for night,
Obstructing the pristine view—
Some of darkened gloss; some armored in light,
Each, reminders of what’s in you

Explosions and facades thereto,
Detonations of slander,
Indifferent to the life you bore.
Tearstained shells, forever in wander—
Endlessly trawling jagged shores,
Delicately toed yet forever proud.

I was just playing around with structure today.  For this particular piece, I was going with a 25 line acrostic poem, five stanzas of five lines each.  However, the last stanza I wound up using 6 lines, as I thought edited worked better than edits. 

I also used a structured rhyme scheme here: Abcbc, Cdede, Efgfg, Ghihi, Ijkjka.


  1. Nice scheme, as I picked out the rhyme with my little rhyming behind, which I can always find. Impaling the mundane was my favorite line, just had such a nice ring to it, in a not creepy kind of way..haha

  2. A lovely meander around a busy mind.
    I really liked this:
    Tearstained shells, forever in wander—
    Endlessly trawling jagged shore`s

    Lovely piece Fred.

  3. Ideas voice abuts those edited. What a super little secret inside a flow of interesting images I would've never known about until you mentioned acrostic.

  4. i like the rhyme scheme - but what i like even more is, that it doesn't feel like rhyme scheme- in fact not like a structured poem at all but it has a great flow through the regularity...i like..

  5. nice...due to the length did not pick up on the acrostic until you said it after....the fourth stanza was my fav...nice grit in it...

  6. Suppression causes either breakage or death. This one doesn't seem direct but more of overwhelming noise, enough to influence. As difficult to ignore and the kettle alarm perhaps. The "reminders of you" and "tear stained empty shell" bits and their imagery is kinda horrifying to me because that's a terrible state to live.

    This reads great.

  7. The last verse speaks to me...and I can't master this kind of structured rhyme scheme...cheers to you for doing this ~

    Thanks for your kind words in my other blog. I really appreciate your support. The challenge is almost over ~