Into
a kettle-cloud’s
Deafening
eye,
Elapsing;
scattered through,
A
prism’s dying,
Shaded
hue
Vision
skewers
Ordinary
life,
Impaling
the mundane
Cacophonic
strife;
Eliciting
the strange
A
powdered fray
Blurs
the node
Unto
erasure’s
Threshing
code;
Severing
mesh from curve
The
rhythms of neutrality unnerve,
Heroic
monstrosities, bred for night,
Obstructing
the pristine view—
Some
of darkened gloss; some armored in light,
Each,
reminders of what’s in you
Explosions
and facades thereto,
Detonations
of slander,
Indifferent
to the life you bore.
Tearstained
shells, forever in wander—
Endlessly
trawling jagged shores,
Delicately
toed yet forever proud.
I
was just playing around with structure today.
For this particular piece, I was going with a 25 line acrostic poem,
five stanzas of five lines each.
However, the last stanza I wound up using 6 lines, as I thought edited
worked better than edits.
I
also used a structured rhyme scheme here: Abcbc, Cdede, Efgfg, Ghihi, Ijkjka.
Nice scheme, as I picked out the rhyme with my little rhyming behind, which I can always find. Impaling the mundane was my favorite line, just had such a nice ring to it, in a not creepy kind of way..haha
ReplyDeleteA lovely meander around a busy mind.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this:
Tearstained shells, forever in wander—
Endlessly trawling jagged shore`s
Lovely piece Fred.
Ideas voice abuts those edited. What a super little secret inside a flow of interesting images I would've never known about until you mentioned acrostic.
ReplyDeletei like the rhyme scheme - but what i like even more is, that it doesn't feel like rhyme scheme- in fact not like a structured poem at all but it has a great flow through the regularity...i like..
ReplyDeletenice...due to the length did not pick up on the acrostic until you said it after....the fourth stanza was my fav...nice grit in it...
ReplyDeleteSuppression causes either breakage or death. This one doesn't seem direct but more of overwhelming noise, enough to influence. As difficult to ignore and the kettle alarm perhaps. The "reminders of you" and "tear stained empty shell" bits and their imagery is kinda horrifying to me because that's a terrible state to live.
ReplyDeleteThis reads great.
The last verse speaks to me...and I can't master this kind of structured rhyme scheme...cheers to you for doing this ~
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words in my other blog. I really appreciate your support. The challenge is almost over ~
Grace