Past links to the Present Tense

listen to ‘Past Links to the Present Tense’ on Audioboo

listen to ‘Past Links to the Present Tense (Part II)’ on Audioboo

Matriculating through a few dressers filled with past reminders can be quite the job.  Where you encounter so much clutter it makes you wonder why you save everything. Probably has something to do with the fear of one day being audited, where 7 to 10 years of stuff needs to be procured at a moment's notice, but still the effort needs to be put in place to keep the cognizant clutter to the minimum, so I eagerly find myself breaking the bad news to many of these sheets, forms and whatnots, that when put together, I wonder if compiled, would it be an entire tree, a trunk, a limb for sure though and I say, almost cheeringly,

"it's off to the attic for many of you," as I thumb

through old receipts, invoices paid, medical stuff and more…

There are some items I still use from time to time, so they'll make the

cut, remaining until there's no more staving the inevitable, magazines, a bunch of "membership" cards that stores force you to carry around in order to get a discount-always bugged me, still does, just list the sale price as is, it's not like those who forget their card aren't simply going to get the discount by simply asking the person behind or in front of them in line…

Anyhow, to the point, this cleaning effort, was well underway, when I caught site of a folder that said work reports.  It was one of those things that make you say hmm, and not in the C & C Music Factory kind of way, but like these things never existed before, and just now, your espying them, for the very first time

Only to completely remember each of them, the moment you delve deep within…

This particular folder contained 6 end of year progress reviews from the company I worked for 2 companies ago.  The reports were all glowing, brought back a proud smile to a face that's been frozen for quite some time, cheeks still hurt as I write this now, that's what happens when you don't smile enough…but I veer off and

BACK to topic.  Not to brag, but I was awesome at that job. My entire time there I received impeccable reviews from everyone I dealt with, from employees to contractors to vendors to co-workers and even the officers took their notice.  By my third year, my hard work was recognized, Employee of the year for an entire fortune 500 company, that's something, still have the award, but it's behind winter jackets and the like, deeply tucked away into the back of a closet that could use much more space…

Anyhow…these reviews reminded me of how I'd worked my way up, from a lowly 18K a year lower leveled manager and then, making 50+ by the time I left.  It stirred a sense of regret as well.  I should've taken notice of the way pro athletes handle their affairs.  You see, after I got the award, I guess, or so I heard, there was some unofficial ranking system that made it's way around from company to company in that line of work, and It seems I was highly regarded around the circuit,  explaining the numerous calls I received from competitors looking for my services.  Flattering as those calls were to get, I stayed loyal when I should've cashed in early, perhaps things would be different today…but,

anyway..there was a particular note on three of these reviews saying I had exceptional strategy for handling multi-operational projects simultaneously, a fancy was to say I was pretty good at multi-tasking, but without punctuation it also said I had outstanding skills, far superseding the expectations for the position in regards to my ability in time management…

When I reflect, I wonder what went wrong…well, I know, but I like to pretend I forgot, albeit for a moment, those are some damned sweet moments, ignorance is blissful, it really is.

But I reflect, to how things were then, to how they are now, where I can't seem to organize anything anymore, consistently finding myself lacking the time to accomplish things when my docket's completely empty 90% of the time.  I remember how I was able to do what I was able to do back then, and it makes my head spin today, where making my bed, or taking a bath instead of a shower are world-beating accomplishments…sad to see how things go, once that first turn of the spiral flows…

downwards….yet

there still

remains

the potential for

a

change, to

where the spiral

can swirl

back a-

round once

again.

But that's the beauty of life, when something bad happens, and where it seems like nothing will ever work out again, there's still that ever-present possibility of things changing in an upward direction, no matter how impossible that may seem, the spiral does move in both directions, and one day, you may once again be moving with the positive motion instead of simply remembering how things were, and sadly connecting such events to how things are in the present tense.

For Poetics at D'Verse, where Brian Miller's hosting and prompts us to look back throughout history, picking either a character or event from our own, or from someone else's history.  I just love the theme and hope everyone heads on over to read what the rest of the poetic community composes for this week's Poetics.