I. Cabinetry
An immobilizing
strength plumbed within
Temples left, scarred
and alone
Preservation devised a
means to push, an
Imbalanced shelter for
a defenseless front
Partitioned walls once
deemed out of place
Have since become the
only blueprints ever drawn
Interred within these
assimilated cells, cage doors
Conceal the
lost-not-found
And it’s only through
the sheer chance of occasion; the hinges may swell and sing their voiceless
tilts, shedding skin through the suffocated creaks entombed
II. Thesauri
So violent in the
vagueness
In which consent first
came undone
So vague in the
violence
In which definitions
first formed to tongue
The stillness of the songs
etch, impressed upon
a hollowed heart—procuring a beauty—persisting
through the unconscious’ paining path of plight
Contusions stir to surface, clogging lines of flow,
Where curiosity catches a fevered glimpse and
forever forward is impelled to know, what lies buried, beneath the indulgent
purity of snow
III. Breaketh The Dam
Your voice says one thing
But the
eyes dictate contrasting truths
Your words are crafted toward recovery
Yet
innuendo simply spells out an angst swelled deep
Your tone quivers in subservience, yet impotence is
a flurry never shown
Your
outlines cast impressive angles, only to
Eclipse each thought betrayed inside
Your
reassurances are calculated in their candor, yet errors appear as one’s
amassing loss
And if such
loss rests sightless to the day, the night shall forever forage upon the schematics
of those repressions cloistered deep
And eventually the
levees shall break inside, flooding forth all things unknowing, elucidating
every painful stamp left unsorted yet stacked in place
IV.
Frozen Posture
Tension
bristles the embryonic morn, prickling the cote with metallic shards of veil in
scorn, collapsible dignity unfeigns before you here, chastising all memories as
broken periods of circumstance—as having been built be demonic scribes and
bards fictitiously flirting with the pangs within, damage, repeal, stain and
scar
Curtailing
truncation’s brutal lop,
A
memory, fragmenting forth,
Beckoning
penance for sins that
Devoured
innocence
You
seek forgiveness, yet the soul is untainted, never sullied was this will you
own,
But fault lines need
reparations, cracks random once, breed lengths aligned intent to swallow whole
And
you cannot forget what was never known,
Remaining
focused, solely upon the broken scabs, remnants that both betrayed and glued,
joining together flesh and soul,
Understanding
there’s more here than even you could have known…
V. What If
What if’s begin to flourish….and wonder you shall,
persisting quizzically in such preponderances, refreshing, what image would appear
anew
The shine of
the mirror’s gaze reminds what once was and how but that person now, is known,
to have been but an effigy, a cursed twin, some Angel once took pity in
VI.
Denial in a Time of Advancing Schema
It
truly is remarkable, how far you’ve come since misfortune’s kiss shown through
the prism’s glass
You
forge forward without delay, yet one must wonder when the stalling shall
impede, this admirable advance through such tumults and misplaced apostrophe
You
admonish those with good intents, to cease their pity, for its not their love
you’re searching for
You chastise
the resolute, for not even you yourself entirely remember every nuance of the
painful truth
Your resolution is astounding, and yet such
pride may be, just the food from which stagnation feeds
There
shall come a point where address this all you must, for if not now then when
You
claim all is well, yet ignore we can’t as ire’s rise their flames at those that
care; where arrhythmia distorts truth’s gait, emanating unrest in each the
shattered pieces that remain left as whole
VII.
Betrayals, Buried in the Garden of Time
There
are so many things that can and will be said. There are secrets buried that
never shall be revealed. A pain like this
is one that will gnaw and feast. It is
not something that can be tossed aside. Pretending that only by paying credence
will you draw out it’s worst offense, is nothing but regrettable to the
watchful eye. And still, one can hardly
blame one to become engulfed in such a betraying return to one’s true self…in
fact, I can think of nothing else…the one you thought you knew is no longer
living, instead they are replaced by some vulnerable wretch plagued by the
remembered pasts ruins realigned.
And
I, the one who has loved you all along, feel I have played my part in this
betraying song. Out of love I allowed
the education of others to sway my inactions.
I left you as they remade you from your very ashes; I let you grow as
some alternate version of who you are, yet, I did this out of love alone.
But
if I would’ve known that wall would break and that dam would crack, I’d have
eased you along, slowly matriculating you back into a world that no longer is
the safest place.
Yet
it should be known, you are not the only one to suffer. Certainly our pain is not comparable to what
you must feel, but nonetheless it is so very much real.
I,
for one, and I will only speak of the pain I known now. I will not discuss the hurt that lived when
you remained in that state of ignorance, no, I will not detail that time, for
it is gone, it’s forever gone away.
The
here and now, is far worse than ever could I have imagined it to be. For, when you arose from your slumber, you
could not, and have trouble still, looking at me as you’ve always done. There is, you claim, a resemblance between
your villain and the image I portray.
I’ve changed my size, shape, hair and face, but somehow, that betrayer
you see in me.
VIII.
A Coda, A code
And
what, you, follower of this regrettable tale, may ask, what happened to this
villainous man, the one responsible for disrupting this woman’s peace and calm?
This, is
something I dared not dwell upon, but the question is begged, and therefore, I
must appease…I feel guilty
For I knew she must face her attacker, they say it’s a step toward resolving that within…but
I heard he
was leaving. Only I knew it was he that committed such actions…For, if I never
dallied as I had, I would’ve been where you’d expected me that day, and if I
had been, none of this damage would’ve happened as it has. Many have claimed that if I were a mere
moment later than I was, she wouldn’t have survived.
They
mean well, yet I, as you do now, know better.
But I did espy, this demon. I saw
exactly who he was. At first I knew not
his name, but it was not difficult to uncover.
This, was all information I withheld, a secret only I held close.
So,
such a day was forced upon me. A
decision had to be made. It was a
decision that could’ve gone in several ways.
I could have reported this man to the police, but he would have been
released, this, I shall not delve further into, but this, I do know. I could’ve tracked his future, keeping tabs
for such a day as is now, where she could confront him for his crimes, and
offer whatever justice she deemed fine.
But I could not bear watching him escape. I couldn’t sleep knowing what luxuries his
wealth could provide him elsewhere, while the one I loved is but a shell, a
clone of who she once was. This was not
justice, no, not just at all.
So
I chose the path that such situations often come down to. I cornered him and he knew. He offered me the world, if close my eyes I
would, allowing him to leave, to go away for good. But this was much too kind. And I did what I felt I had to do. But to detail what took place those 72 hours,
would be too graphic and cruel. And so,
I alone took away my love’s chance at confrontation…and this, while the revenge
was sweet, it was not the feeling I felt it should’ve been, and now I cringe
telling you about how I have behaved.
Now,
it is I, and I alone, who seeks and prays, for an irrational sense of
forgiveness to somehow cease the beat of such a painful malady. But in truth, it is only you, I wish to see
me as once you had.
