In the morning, after first
stretch
The not-yet-awaken
snarl in contempt
Playfully in the
afternoon they jump about,
Hopping from chair to
chair, from room to room,
At suppertime, they
calmly wait
For leftovers and
scraps to fill their plates,
Vying for dominance,
they stand their ground,
Assertiveness of
appetite, here, friends square against
Brother and kin, all
for that natural, necessary inhibition
Yet when time for
sleep comes for all,
To Switzerland they do
flee, and revel in
The comfort of a bedding of
neutrality
A quick one I've been working on. Not sure it's completely finished yet, but thought it read well enough to share, any comments will be welcome. Would you think this needs a bit more trimming, or perhaps an additional stanza or so to really hammer the overriding metaphor down?
It's Tuesday, and we all know what that means. Yep, it's time for another Open Link Night over at D'verse. At 3pm the pub doors will open up, and the ultra-talented community of poets will begin to flow through the doors. Stop on by for some incredible pints of poetry and while you're there, why not share a poem of your own.
They remind me of my cousin and I as kids, me a girl and him a boy.Similiar in ways, very different in ways but the bond still stands strong.
ReplyDelete...for me i would suggest an additional stanza or two... one after the first stanza...the other after the second? i dunno... i felt short on those parts... especially in the beggining which kind of in a hurry in its shifting of time frame.... the latter part was given more emphasis for me... smiles...
ReplyDeleteI like where you're going with this. I have both here, and will attest to the truth of this ;)
ReplyDeletedo you think the dogs really flee to switzerland while they sleep....ha...or just the bedding in neutrality....if i was giving a crit i might switch up the switzerland bit...its fun though so...
ReplyDeleteProbably a good marriage is like cats & dogs; one finds compatibility & affection until the right temptation stimulates competition. Liked your poem, sir.
ReplyDeleteTo Switzerland they do flee, and revel in
ReplyDeleteThe comfort of a bedding of neutrality...haha....really fred...this cracks me up...so good...you know..the swiss are not as neutral as they pretend to be..smiles
Well, this made me smile, Fred...thinking of them fleeing to Switzerland for neutrality!
ReplyDeleteSo it speaks of positioning . . . vying for the best place, but not willing to pay the price comes with confrontation.
ReplyDeleteThis is what I see. If so, for me your piece is complete. If not . . . write on.
It is intriguing . . . done well in that respect.
Cheers!
Nice when that truce is called...
ReplyDeletehaha you caught both grand, as they sure hop about the land, each thinking they are more wise chasing down flies. But at they end of the day, and after all the play, many will join each other, hogging the bed at your bay.
ReplyDeleteNice work, Fred. Interesting to think how the animal instinct for survival kicks in at feeding time--the same thing happens with my kids around the dinner table!
ReplyDeleteThe day stasrts and the day ends ... just like any another day, perhaps..yet they live! :)
ReplyDeleteI do not have dogs, but our three cats are a handful. Nothing beats their cheerful and energetic welcome when we come home, and then trot along to pick up the kids.
ReplyDeletePlaytime before sleep and waking us up in the morning - gentle mewling alarm clock.
With you there on this Fred!
Hi,
ReplyDeleteYou have to admire the carefree nature of their day yet they maintain their territory. I like where you are going with this or should I say where you went with this one!
Yep, that's cats and dogs :)
ReplyDeleteI don't have pets, but I can imagine the chaos during the day then the sleeping peacefully at night ~
ReplyDeleteHave a lovely day Fred ~
I think you've caught the power of the instinct for survival pretty well. I'd change the Switzeraland line to
ReplyDelete"they flee to Switzerland and revel..."
just because the word order is more natural.
I like your couplet stanzas best, here--maybe this is one of those cases where brevity maximizes--still, no tellng what more would do. An interesting exploration of inherent character and stance, and I love the ending.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious if the first line speaks the other animals or the human, 'cause I have a feeling if it were me I'd be the one snarling. I enjoyed the ending - I can picture them all there curling up together and settling in for the night.
ReplyDeleteha...this is a fun one! I like your description of the powerplay and the ending too.
ReplyDeleteMy dogs are like that!
ReplyDelete