The
first rule inherent to a properly working windmill
Two
rules inherent to organizing chop-sticks
Three
rules inherent to gardening scarabs from underneath molehills
Four
rules inherent to disguising your dog as a tadpole on the thirty-second hour of
the thirty-second day
Five
rules inherent to indefensible paranoia
Seven
rules inherent to those seeking a higher
Eight
rules inherent to Stab-In-The-Back Wisdom
Nine
rules inherent to Shark-Tank Sympathy
Ten
rules inherent to remaining invisible while caught in a deluge of acid rain
Eleven
rules inherent to universal clarity
Twelve
rules inherent to bleeding fire from the coldest heart
Thirteen
rules inherent to becoming a hitman in an organization so infamous that card
sharks commiserate with clerics, pedophiles with politicians and where
administrators of higher education facilitate just as much energy, on what’s
possibly included in the ice cream truck salesman’s secret recipe for fudge
freezy#3, as they do when one of their most promising pupils declares openly on
her facebook account that she’s decided to drop out of school due to the fact
that her twelve year old neighbor just made a billion dollars selling cigarette
butts on e-bay.
Fourteen
rules inherent to making contact with whomever answers the call
Fifteen
rules inherent to watching the men who stare at goats without asking yourself
what’s the point
Sixteen
rules inherent to apologizing to the fine actors within the previously written
rule while holding a wearing a piñata suit in the backyard of a rather large
Christmas celebration composed of an uncountable number of Chihuahuan children.
Seventeen
rules inherent to breaking up with your pet rock
Eighteen
rules inherent to seeing phenomenon in every and all circumstances related to telekinetic
memory loss and big stuffed yellow birds won fairly at the not-so-local
amusement park
Nineteen
rules inherent to disassembling an already disassembled automaton that got
overheated during an unwinnable debate with a forklift over the value of
accepting a million crates of oil in lieu of the million dollars that could be
had by winning the then current lottery jackpot
Twenty rules inherent to standard deviation when the squares just cannot, under
any circumstances, find it in them to be mean
Twenty-one
rules inherent to eating three Quadruple cheeseburgers with bacon stuffed buns,
without ever having to move your lips
Twenty-two
rules inherent to becoming a bookie that specializes in giving odds on the National
Paint Drying League championships
Twenty-three rules inherent to losing one’s
mind and then finding it, only to lose it once more
Twenty-four
rules inherent to documenting the fallacies of gossips years after the rumors
had been forgotten
Twenty-five
rules inherent to thinking up some really stupid ideas, making rules out of
them and getting people to read them
