A Hesitation Spawned Through Over-Anylysing The Importance Of First Impressions

As prolific as I can be I straggle along when decisions are anything more than theoretical

As in touch, as I feel to be, with the muses that persistently confront me, knowing just what to say here or there, when I reach a point where so much must be said, this becomes the most daunting task of darkened dread

And I ask myself…WHY?

                                Am I tongue-tied and stifled

                                         Lost amidst a sea of words

                                         Perspiring for no reason

WHY…

I could write a biography, chapter upon chapter, of what there is to tell, what there is to know, and yet, within those populous of words, none work as well, as hello.

Then what comes next…how does one matriculate from salutation to unearthing life’s mysteries.  Well, perhaps someplace in-between.

And as I hem and as I haw, doubt creeps in and intensifies it all.

What is there to fear?

What’s the worst that can happen?

Right?

A Letter to Self

listen to ‘LetterTo self (Part I)’ on Audioboo

listen to ‘Letter to Self Part II’ on Audioboo

The letter that follows is a direct transcript of the conversation I had with our host.  The conversation took place much earlier than I ever would’ve expected.  I for one am pleased at your incompetence, for your loss is forever my gain.  So, with the pleasantries now surely aside, this is the letter I’ve been asked to relay.

Dear Self,

         Go fuck yourself

“For what now, almost forty years, and you’ve yet to live up to the hype.  I swear, some of these things you conjure are inane, and that’s me being at my politest.  Sure, plus one for imagination, even a few bonus points for creativity.  But when it comes down to it, your skill sets are so outdated; it’s almost not worth venting.  Now, say we lived in the Middle Ages or somewhere nearer to that era of human existence, well then, you may have thrived.  Certainly your fancy ways with words, your attention to plot and infatuation with story, these are skills that were powerful attributes then.  Hell, you could have created some crazy, flaunted over figure, that becomes extremely significant to world history, the kind of man who’s every word was intently acknowledged.  But, alas, knowing you as I do, chances are that, you would’ve found the only woman in the nunnery to possess a flaring case of syphilis…yep that sounds about right.

Your decision-making skills are without a doubt, the worst I’ve ever seen.  If I didn’t believe so wholeheartedly in your ineptitude, I’d strongly consider the opinion that you’re working for some other teams and/or entities, intentionally sabotaging everything.  It’s very hard for me, to look squarely at myself in the mirror, and not wonder what the hell is going on inside there.  Some days It’s like you don’t get out of bed while others you rant nonstop about the widespread significance regarding the angularity of leaves, as if their placement on the grass have any bearing on anything, anything at all.

Some days I feel you’re just fucking with me, and any moment you’ll drop a punch-line so hilarious, all ill feelings will fall to the wayside, where we’ll then fall back into the recliner, look to the stucco in amazement of it’s random artistry, and just laugh ourselves into a proud felt stupor.  But that moment never comes, and if it did, I have to say, the laughter probably wouldn’t be the funny kind. 

Look, we’ve been together for nearly forty years.  You’ve failed me on so many levels it’s really not worth recounting them all right here, right now.  Yet, the time we’ve spent together only makes this all the more difficult.  I think I have to let you go.  It’s just the logical step to take.  And not withstanding, it’s good business to do so now, before any more damage can be done.  So, at the end of the day, please wait by your desk.  At that point I’ll have someone meet you there, collect your access card, and escort you out the door.  At which time, you’ll forever be barred from any future contact with any of the other personas you’ve built up.  Make sure you collect all of your personal belongings, because once you are escorted away, there’ll be no returning.  Your things, then and there, will be discarded according to corporate disposal guidelines.  So I repeat, don’t leave anything important behind. 

But, knowing you as well as I do, I realize you will certainly have many questions, to which I’ll answer some of them right now, as briefly as I can. 

Yes, it is partially my fault.  I did play a role in allowing your destructive behavior to continue.  Well, there’s nothing more I can say to this except we all make mistakes, and mine was having leniency and pity upon you, for whatever reasons those may have been.

I already have replaced you, and am positive {redacted} will do far more than you ever have.  Heck, any candidate off the street would probably provide a dramatic improvement. (My name was originally stated in this part, but for dramatic effect I thought I’d save my reveal for the end)

Yes, I’ll probably miss you, in some manner or form.  After all, you have basically ruled my life for nearly forty years.  And in those years, you’ve woven many intricate strands throughout me.  This will not be easy to remove.  It will take time.  But it will be time worth spending.  All rebuilding projects are not bad.

Thank you for your service.  Thank you for literally hindering my development as a human being.  And last but most certainly not least, thank you for all those things you should have, but never did, as moving forward, the most basic of pleasures will seem like world-shattering mysteries revealed.

Goodbye, forever.”

Signed,

Yours truly and always

 Fred ID

The Advancement of Sound

Dear…Bang,

I’ve located a first edition, Beatles Please, Please me

That I’ll trade, for Amazing Fantasy #15

The book beloved by many, 

The one were webs first learned to fly

I took the book in fairly good

I wrapped it in polyurethane sheaths

Ensuring the quality would then keep

I took the package to a man I met back some months at Comic-con

He owned technology that would change our lives

Technology that would push our fledgling idea forward

Everything that I hope becomes

Hinges solely here upon

He saw the book and his eyes betrayed

Any chance of leverage he might have tried to play

I took far less than market value

Yet gained his trust and learned much more

The secret to dampening noise in ear

This, my friend, is that detail

The one you needed to hear

You said return with a process unveiled

So I return to you now,

With a plan I deem perfect

Perfection in precise detail

Enabling our vision legs and feet

A vision that shall take us there

In so, legends we’ll become as well

Signed: your friend Oluf’s son

Just having a little fun today.  I was thinking about all the technological advancements we've achieved as a society, and the rapid expanse taking place the past 30 or so years.  Anyhow, I thought to myself, about all those stories regarding the beginnings of these massive empires and life-changing products and inventions.  From Googles story to Apple's, to Pixar and on and on.  

There's a number of reasons for each of these and other companies successes, some much less dramatic than others, but nevertheless each case is extremely interesting, well at least I feel that way.  So I decided to make one of these stories up.  I played around with bartering systems that sometimes occur when companies bootstrap in their early days.  I thought, what would a letter look like perhaps between two of the pioneers of audio equipment.  As it turns out this particular company started back in 1925, so much of what I wrote doesn't hold any shred of believability, but in any case the premise for the piece still holds true.  

What would an early conversation look like between two people, that, through their creation(s), shaped and changed the way we do or see things today?   Anyhow it's something I find interesting and thought I'd share this write here today.

Alter Ego & Letter to My Heart & Not Agreed & Cluttered Genius

Stalking Silent Moments,

Reframing the components,

Creating alternate realities

Dear Heart:

I find you Very Rude,

                With all your Syncopated Rhythmicity,

                        It is too difficult ( Suppressing Smiles & Remaining Sad)

Signed,

Yours Truly

Often at odds,

With others, With Myself,

If Bliss came to,

I’d hold breath deep,

For even solace seems Incongruous to me

I find, When Battling Demons,

I’m pugilistically incompetent,

If the mind is clear,

Only in absurdity are intentions clear,

Only through uncertainty can focus be found,

Only when I cannot win,

Do I stand a chance in hell

Scribble- A poem in DeAscent

I walked to the drawer this morning to find

A note with my name scribbled sideways

I held it to the light at first

I guess perhaps out of fear

Seeing I remember

The penmanship clear

But I don’t know

Why I never

Opened it

And I

Left

It

Alone

Another

Day, down the line

I would have the guts

Perhaps, to examine

If mystery lies within

Maybe someday, this I believed

What important thing could it contain

 Seeing that they are but words on a page